Hello,
The assessment wasn't difficult for me because I've done this type of evaluation before. I've known for a while what the source of my troubles are; having a spouse who does not communicate, is not affectionate, and shows no love except at certain times, and my daughter has separation anxiety, is kind of hyper, bored, and is high maintenance.
From these relationships comes any stress and irritation that I have. Basically, a high majority of the time I am not as happy as I could be, nor as healthy as I could be.
I feel very unappreciated, I do housework that I would rather not do. In fact, I'd rather have a good job where I was really needed and pay someone to take care of the other two. They have very powerful, overbearing, demanding personalities and I become the least important person in the house. It probably wouldn't look that way from someone on the outside. I have my own office, and I get to go to school, but what I am trying to accomplish is not looked at as important.
I am my husbands and my daughter's best friend, but they are not mine. I would do anything for them (and I do) but it is not the other way around. My daughter is very spoiled because of her father, and if I had it my way things would be a lot different in that regard.
With my husband, I get up between 5:30-6:00a.m. to make him breakfast and give him his medications. He is gone right after that until about 6:00p.m. When he comes home, he talks a little about what happened with everyone at work, takes a nap for 30 minutes. I make dinner, give it to him, he watches television till 9:00pm. then he goes to the gym. That's five days a week. Basically, I cook, clean, do his laundry, and all secretary things, and see him for a while on the weekends. He is the least affectionate person I have ever met in my life. He gives no complements about anything. In my opinion I work hard for both of them and get back very little in return. We both pay the bills, it's not just on his shoulders.
The other issue is; I already understand that I am in this position as a learning tool. I have to learn how to deal with it and use spiritual vices to grow. Just like the suggestion about doing the best you can at your work and make it your own. I do that with being a wife and a mother.
I live in a whole different world then they do. I am very aware of the spiritual world and this is kind of like make-believe. It's hard being reduced to the role that I've been playing.
But, I will continue to pray for them, walk in Love, be grateful, appreciate everything that I have, and be a great example for them each day. Things will change, including me, they always do. :O)
One thing that worked well for me, with my kids, was to give them chores. I didn't think they would catch on but they instantly had this sense of accomplishment and pride in cleaning up their stuff or doing a chore for me. I started that really young but you might give it a try. I have a house keeper come in one/month which helps out a bunch. I don't know if you can justify but it makes me a calmer more focused person when I'm not running around cleaning my big house. The conversation I'd like to have about your husband would require you visit and bring wine! Let me know if you're ever in San Diego!
ReplyDeletehi
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to read about that situation, but most of time looking for the love of God you are going to feel better because God can give you peace and the love and patience to deal with your situations, also the sound of water, walking to the beach, go to the forest to hear the sounds of the birds or just go at the gym are some methods that you can use to deal with situations.